I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
