No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
