The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
