just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
