I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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