we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
