Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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