That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
