Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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