I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you win again, gameday.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
