I accidentally burped into my bong.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
