I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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