NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
