im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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