i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
