last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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