College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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