Walk of Shame. In a state park.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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