Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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