You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
