I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Randomize
