When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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