evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
