dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
