Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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