Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My bed smells like the plague
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
