I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
