So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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