whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
