is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize