Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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