I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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