She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
