I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
