wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
