I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
