12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
