im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
