Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
