I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
