you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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