I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
