She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
