I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
