Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
