Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
