Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
