Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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