i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
