Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize