You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
