What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
