I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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