Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
