I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i think i just lost a toe
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
