Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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