don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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