Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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