if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ruined the universe
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