I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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