so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
