I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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