We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
