In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
