:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
