pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
