Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
