whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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