So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize